Dear Sir,

Really my message will come to you as a surprise. This is the reason why i first of all, tender my apology and excuse for this un-expected mail I am forwarding to you.

I am Cico Onyeoyi, the only son of late Rtd.Major General(Eng.)Jame Onyeoyi of the blessed memory. My late father was the Executive Chaiman of CROSSMARINE REFINERY AND PETROCHEMICAL Plc., situated in MENDE REGION SIERRA LEONE.

I am writing you from Abidjan Rep of Cote d'Ivoire where I have been hiding after my late father was poisoned in one of their business trip abroad. While my father was in the hospital due to his ill health, he called me and revealed me that he left an important amount of sixteen million eight hundred thousand united dallors
(16,800,000.00) in abroad financial institutions in the overseas, which he adviced me to look for a reliable person who will help me secure incase he dies. He fronted my name Cico Onyeoyi as the next of kin/benefitiary of these deposits.

He later died and four months later, I was visited and treetened by some members of The Board of Director of CROSSMARINE REFINERY AND PETROCHEMICAL Plc. (some of them are my late father's friends/our family members) to tender all documents relating to my late father's business abroad for inspection. I took and hide all these documents including those that issued to my
late father by these financial institutions abroad where this money that runs into millions of united state dollars has been, pending withdrawal.

I am about to cross the boundry between our country and Liberia when I(Cico) was arrested on october 2000 and since then have been detained in a
police station where I under went all sort of purnishement due to the fact that I refused to tender any of these documents they requested from me. It was
by the miracle of the Almighty God that I resently escape from the detaintion when some villagers attacked the police station and oppened the gate for every detainees to escape, while demonstrating their anger, for the death of one of their industrious son who recently died in detaintion two days after his

I quickly arranged with a ship Captain to on how to evacuate me to Abidjan where I am presently hiding. This is how I came to this country (Ivory Coast).

Please, could you be able to help me in the following ways:

1-To pay me a visit here in Abidjan Cote d'Ivoire so that we will have a face to face and discuss over this issue.
2-To help me clear the money from one of these financial institutions abroad.
3-To help me invest in any lucrative business venture in your country and to be the general overseer of any venture we may invest in, while we countinue to further our education respectively.
4-To help me secure admission into the school where I will continue my studies. Your compensation for this noble assistance will be negotiated upon your acceptance and arival here to help me.
5-To make arrangement for me to come over to your country to further my
education and to secure a resident permit in your country.Moreover, sir i am willing to offer you 20% of the total sum as compensation for your effort/ input after the successful God transfer of this fund into your nominated account overseas Furthermore, you indicate your option towards assisting me as I believe that this transaction would be concluded within fourteen (14) days you signify interest to assist me. Anticipating to hear from you soon.

I will be waiting for your response and must let you know that my life is not safe here due to the present political crises in Cote d'Ivoire, and also I will like to informe you that my late father's enemies are after me because of this fund (even our family friends/members). Therefore, I will like you to handle this transaction with absolute and utmust confidentiality and maturity as all my future hope and educational arrengement relies on this money.

May the glory of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you while while I looks forward towards your positive response.

yours sincerely,

Cico Onyeoyi.


Skulls Unlimited International Inc.

Skulls Unlimited is the World's Leading Supplier of Osteological Specimens! Hey Kids! Do you have a question about skulls, bones, or the animals they come from? Ask the Skull Master! Also, you can buy the now-classic Skulls Unlimited original T-Shirt! It portrays 37 original skull drawings from their catalag, or the new Skeleton T-Shirt with original illustrations from George Cuviers 1836 "Recherches sur les Ossemens Fossils". It comes complete with a labeled key card. To contact them by phone, call 1-800-659-SKULL! Or visit them in Oklahoma City, where the associated The World of Nature Museum of Osteology is projected to be complete and open to the public in late 2005! See you there!


Matt Madden Impresses Roxanne Kowalski

1. Obvious: Excuse me. Is that your nose or did a bus park on your face?
2. Meteorological: Everybody take cover. She's going to blow!
3. Fashionable: You know, you could de-emphasize your nose if you wore something larger, ...like Wyoming.
4. Personal: Well, here we are, just the three of us.
5. Punctual: All right, Delbmin, your nose was on time but you were 15 minutes late.
6. Envious: Ooh, I wish I were you. Gosh, to be able to smell your own ear.
7. Naughty: Uh, pardon me, sir. Some of the ladies have asked if you wouldn't mind putting that thing away.
8. Philosophical: You know, it's not the size of a nose that's important, it's what's in it that matters.
9. Humorous: Laugh and the world laughs with you. Sneeze and it's goodbye Seattle!
10. Commercial: Hi. I'm Earl Scheib, and I can paint that nose for $39.95
11. Polite: Would you mind not bobbing your head? The orchestra keeps changing tempo.
12. Melodic: [singing] He's got the whole world in his nose.
13. Sympathetic: Oh, what happened? Did your parents lose a bet with God?
14. Complementary: You must love the little birdies to give them this to perch on.
15. Scientific: Say, does that thing there influence the tides?
16. Obscure: I'd hate to see the grindstone.
17. Inquiry: When you stop to smell the flowers, are they afraid?
18. French: Ze pigs have refused to find any more truffles until you leave!
19. Pornographic: Finally! A man who can satisfy two women at once.
20. Religious: The Lord giveth -- and he just kept on giving didn't he?
21. Disgusting: Say, who mows your nose hair?
22. Paranoid: Keep that guy away from my cocaine!
23. Aromatic: It must wonderful to wake up in the morning and smell the coffee ...in Brazil.
24. Appreciative: Oooo, how original. Most people just have their teeth capped.
25. Dirty: Your name wouldn't be... Dick?"

For the comic-strip version pore through Matt's Exercises in Style. (via waxy.org)
The Conference USA Men's Basketball All-Name Team
as decided by DystopiaBox

UNC-Charlotte 49'ers: Butter Johnson, Demon Brown
Cincinnati Bearcats: Field Williams, Asrangue Soulymane
Depaul Blue Demons: Chris Exilus, Quemont Greer
East Carolina Pirates: Moussa Badiane, Erroyl Bing, Garth Grindley
Houston Cougars: Grega Nachbar, MoShood Martins
Louisville Cardinals: Nouha Diakite, Prileu Davis
Marquette Golden Eagles: Jared Sichting, Rev. Bob Wild (President)
Memphis Tigers: Simplice Njoya, Almamy Thiero, Modibo Diarra
Saint Louis Billikens: Anthony Drejaj, Izik Ohanon
South Florida Bulls: Terrence Leather, Konumba Diarra
Southern Miss Golden Eagles: Dante Stiggers, Jarekus Singleton
TCU Horned Frogs: Nucleus Smith, Chudi Chinweze, Femi Ibikunle
Tulane Green Wave: Vytautus Tatarunas
UAB Blazers: Donell & Ronell Taylor


Brave satire: From The Passion of the Christ Blooper Reel at The Morning News

"Christ, shackled to a stone, is being scourged by Roman soldiers. Blood runs down his gory back. His pain is palpable.
Jesus: [writhes in pain, hands shaking]
[Cell phone rings.]
Jesus: [hands shake furiously]
[Cell phone rings. Caviezel looks up, sheepish.]
Roman soldier: Jim? That you?
Jesus: Yeah.
[Cell phone rings.]
Soldier: Want me to get it?
Jesus: Yeah.
[Roman soldier gingerly reaches into Caviezel's blood-soaked loincloth, pulls out phone and opens it, then holds the phone to Caviezel's ear.]
Off Camera: [laughter]
Jesus: Hey, Mom."