Melvin Reviews "The Cat in the Hat"

I will not watch it on TV,
I will not watch on DVD.
I will not watch on VHS,
I will not watch on CBS.

I will not watch it in a car,
I will not watch it in a bar.
I will not watch it with my dad,
I will not watch it when I'm sad.

I will not watch it in my bed,
I will not watch with my friend Fred.
I will not watch it on a box,
I will not watch it shown on FOX.

I will not watch it on a table,
I will not watch when it's on cable.
I will not watch it in a chair,
I will not watch it anywhere.

I wish I had not paid eight bucks,
This movie really really sucks.

Postscript: Jim Griffith was kind enough to email me to correct the attribution of the preceding work. Currently we believe the author to be Mark Krosky and the original appearance to have been the rec.humor.funny newsgroup/site.

(Was plain old rec.humor not funny enough so that they had to go and add the redundant qualifier to make room for all the people whose postings didn't quite make the grade?)